


Don’t Leave me Here

by Archaeodigit_dima



Category: Turn (TV 2014), Turn Washington Spies
Genre: Ben is an idiot and falls into the delaware, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-20 21:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14902545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Archaeodigit_dima/pseuds/Archaeodigit_dima
Summary: Christmas means gifts get exchanged, but not until someone falls into the Delaware





	Don’t Leave me Here

When in the middle of a war with Britain you would think that Christmas would be put to the side. Obviously not the religious aspect, considering I was raised by a preacher, but the giving of a small gift most certainly. Supplies are low as it is yet somehow that made it even more important, especially to some.

“Hey Benji-boy,” came the heavily accented voice of my best mate, Caleb Brewster. He was one of the few people who could just walk into my tent without getting yelled at - usually. He was an integral part of the intelligence network that I used to gain tinted about the Tories.  
“Yes Caleb?” I asked slightly exasperated as I pulled myself from my notebooks and maps. I smiled slightly despite myself, I was thankful for the distraction he gave me.  
“So Benji, Christmas is coming soon and I got you something you are going to love,” Caleb said with gusto, I raised an eyebrow at that comment.  
“Caleb it is only early December and if it is a present why are you telling me about it?”  
“I’m not telling ya what it is. I am imply informing you that you will be getting a present so you aren’t surprise since you hate surprises,” Caleb replied making an over dramatic bow.  
“Caleb we are in the middle of a war how did you manage to get a gift - wait never mind I don’t want to know,” I responded remembering that Caleb had a long history with being a privateer. Any knowledge of how he acquired this gift would probably force me to court martial him and rather not court material him.  
“Can’t wait to see what you got me,” Caleb announced as he hurried out of my tent. “I had better go muster some men for your scouting raid.”

Before I could respond he was gone. I was left wishing that he had stayed longer. I needed fresh eyes on what I was doing, a distraction a helping hand; but yet again I was alone with the work before me. But I couldn’t focus on what I was doing anymore just on what he had procured from his less than legal dealings.  
I pushed that out of my mind as I poured back over the maps and tried to figure out where to send out scouts to gain intel so that way General Scott wouldn’t have more ammunition to use against when gives a report on me to Washington after we rejoin the main forces. I want to show Washington and Scott than my idea would work and bring us far better intel but first I had to make sure that I wouldn’t get kicked out of the army or killed for insubordination. General Scott already told me that I would be facing a court martial once we joined the army after I refused to execute the mutineers. I had dug my own grave with that.  
Yet my mind drifted to item that Brewster would like as a Christmas present. A nice bottle of whiskey? But where would I get that, I didn’t have the same connections as him. He was rather attached to his hatchet … but the handle had broken. Maybe …

“Captain Tallmadge,” General Scott’s voice boomed into my thoughts. 

I turned quickly nearly knocking over everything that was on the table.

“Sir?”  
“Why haven’t the scouts been sent out?” The General spoke sternly.  
“Sir, I was just looking at where was the best to send them. So we can gain the most information about the movements of the British,” I responded keeping my voice, even though it was a fight to do so.  
“Get your men together and stop stalling. I know you have been focusing on your fool hearted spy ring, but we need actual intelligence. Send your men out within the hour.” 

There was an unspoken threat to his words. He walked out knowing he had unsettled me. 

“Damn it -,” I push down on the table before me with both hands with all my weight. 

I hated that I was working under a man who would not respect my ideas. Ones that would work and yield intelligence. Instead he had me risking the lives of my men on scouting journeys that were yielding nothing. I knew I had to send them somewhere so I tried my best to send them somewhere safe. Hopefully the message that Caleb and I had sent to Washington would be read and be more useful than this fool’s journey. 

“Tall boy?” Caleb asked cautiously.  
“Yes Caleb?” I asked not having moved, still leaning on the table.  
“You alright?”  
“Yes … No. General Scott will not listen to reason. It feels like he has been out to get me for months. Now he is going to put me up for a court martial and we all know where those end up -” my voice cracked with the memory of the men who General Scott shot for mutiny and mt refusal to kill them. That fate awaited me if Scott got his wish.  
“Ben,” Caleb placed a hand on my shoulder. “It won’t get that far. Washington will have gotten our letter. He will know that you aren’t just a disobedient officer. He will see you merit.”  
“I don't know,” I started. “I can’t put my trust in that.”  
“You can and you will,” Caleb said giving my shoulder a light squeeze. “Take a breath, do as you are told for now. Once we come to General Scott’s vendetta we can deal with it then. For now we just need to wait and happe that Washington got our letter.”

I kept my head low still trying to convince myself that Caleb was right. There wasn’t anything I could do about it now, worrying would change nothing about this situation. 

“Benji, I’ll keep an eye out for you. Just like I always have. Okay?” All of Caleb’s usual over the toe exuberance had disappeared. His voice was even, quiet and full of compassion.

I nodded my head not speaking. My change from being hot headed, voice all my frustration to all who could hear, to my timid and uneasy current state must have worried him. Caleb pulled me into a tight hug. With a few hard part on the back; not hard enough to hurt but friendly. 

“I’ll go take the boys to check out the waterways. Scout for any British movement in that area,” Caleb stated leaving the tent. 

Caleb was going to save me from myself in many ways before this war was over. I was already beginning to notice how much I relied on him. Not just with Abraham and Anna but also with keeping me sane and backing me up with the General and the men. I really would be lost without him. 

~~~

The next few weeks went by slowly. I was put in charge of more and more paperwork; I had essentially become General Scott’s clerk. I had joked about it with Caleb, but I hadn’t expected it to be to this extent. I was still somewhat in charge of my dragoons and scouting. Although with winter fully settling in, Christmas and the New Year approaching the frequency of scouts had begun to wane.  
There were mutterings from men that come January when their bounties were up they wouldn’t be re-enlisting. The war, to many of them, appeared lost. I understood their sentiment. The battles that had been fought showed us how we stood up next to trained professional soldiers. It felt like we were losing this war, the men couldn’t see a way out of the losing streak we had entered into. Washington needed a big victory in order to being the men back to the cause. I kept hoping that our letter made it in time to make a difference.  
For the past few weeks I had been waiting to give Caleb his Christmas gift. I had used my own contacts, well they were Caleb’s who had been threatened into silence, to get a new perfectly weighted Tomahawk for him. But Christmas day come around but General Scott had sent him away for a scouting run up the river.  
My Christmas day was spent in my tent going over the pile of correspondence that the General hadn’t gotten to. The lack of company made me miss Setauket. I missed my father, Anna Caleb and Abe, going to church with him and my friends, seeing the whole town dressed in their best, smiling and happy. Families together and not fractured by loss, not over run by red coats. It was a lonely night and no amount of amount of paperwork could occupy my mind enough to keep me from being homesick.  
Over the next three days I would walk through the camp looking for Caleb but he was nowhere to be found. I was starting to worry that Caleb had been captured or killed. My stomach was often tied up in knote thinking about it. It was at one of those moments when one of the men told me to pack up and get the rest of the men ready. 

“Tallmadge, on your.” Startled by the sudden intrusion I jumped uneasily to my feet.  
“Sir.”  
“Muster out and collect your supplies. Every man gets three days cooked rations, forty rounds of ammunition, fresh flints, and a blanket.”  
“For what, sir?”  
“Secret mission, they say. Password challenge is ‘Victory.’”  
“And the answer, sir?”  
“Or death.”

The officer left me at that to gather my things and organize the men, well the ones I had left. The password challenger was ominous and worried me. The knot that had been sitting in the pit of my stomach multiplied. I pushed it down. I grabbed my supplies and shoved them in my pack. I lifted up my blanket and saw the axe that was meant for Caleb. I picked it up and looked at it carefully, flipping it over. Without much of a second thought, I through it into my bag with rest of my supplies. Maybe I would see Caleb on this secret mission, and I can give it to him then.  
~~~  
I got to the river after telling my men to muster up. I saw a few boats on the river, men loading them up with flints, supplies and several swivel guns. Most of the men were in civilian clothing; only the officer who told me about the mission and myself were in uniform. I looked around the river bank seeing if I could see anyone I knew. If we were this close to the river, getting on boats, I was pretty sure that Caleb Brewster would be around here somewhere. Unfortunately, I couldn’t make him out in this dark and foggy night. I improvised and just yelled his name hoping he would respond. 

“Caleb?!”  
“What?” came a gruf reply as my short and bearded friend turned around next to one of the boats. I smiled to myself, happy to see him again.  
“You know what this is all about?”  
“Me? No. I thought you would,” Caleb replied as he loaded a bunch of flints onto his boat.  
“All they told me is that we’re crossing the Delaware.”  
“Eh, Great.” Caleb sounded nervous, to everyone else it would have sounded defiant and sarcastic but I knew better. “All they told us just to follow you.”  
“Huh,” I responded in disbelief at the situation. This was not going to be an easy journey. 

I walked over to Caleb’s boat, looking over all the supplies. I had no idea where we were going and yet I was supposed to lead them. I wasn’t even a tad bit useful when it came to navigating rivers. Caleb on the other hand was, and I was grateful that he was here to take of the boat. 

“Well, you’re the whaler,” I said to him and then raised my voice to the rest of the men as I got into the boat. “As long as we are crossing, he’s captain.”  
“That’s me,” Caleb said standing up, drawing the men’s attention to himself. I made sure I was sitting close to him. “So, you, you, and you grab the push poles. Right, push off!”

I smiled as I watched Caleb take command of the boat. He was clearly enjoying himself, taking charge. It gave me some comfort, but as I looked around as when began to move further from the shore and into the dense fog, a whole new sense of worry began to take over me.  
Once we got far enough from the shore that we weren’t going to beach ourselves. Caleb took a seat next to me as he steered the boat. I could tell from the way he was looking around he was unsure what this actually was. Turning to me he spoke in a low anxious voice. 

“I mean, if you ask me, this is just a glorified scout. Secret password, ‘Victory or Death.’ No, Washington’s just trying to make us feel like we’re still in the fight.”

I was listening to his words as I looked around the river. I started see several other boats equal in size to ours. Slowly I stood up, trying to get a better look through the fog. As I did noticed several more boats. 

“Caleb, look,” I called his attention away from the rutter.

He stood up next to me taking in all the other boats along the river. There must have been at least 70 of them, if not more.

“Jesus,” Caleb muttered at the sight before him.  
“This is no scout,” I said. I could feel the knot in my stomach begin to unravel itself. For the first time in over a month I felt some form of optimism about this war. 

We continued along the river, for several more hours. We followed the rest of the boats. Their officers seemed to know about where we were going than I did. My awh about what was happened evaporated after the first hour. It was replaced by a hatred of the cold damp air that surrounded us. I took my blanket out of my pack and draped it around my shoulders trying to stay warm. Caleb joke that I looked like an old woman, and I gave him a glare. He just continued to laugh at my appearance. 

“What is it you sailors say?” I asked miserably trying to divert his attention from my ‘old woman’ like appearance. “‘Fair weather brings cloudy weather?’ Maybe this time it’ll be the reverse.” I bemoaned.  
“Or maybe the fog will lift and there’ll just be more fog,” Caleb torted back. I gave him a glare as I curled deeper into my blanket which caused him to laugh. 

“We’re here,” one of the officers suddenly called. 

I stood up then, taking off my blanket. 

“Alright, on your feet men,” I said sadly. “Everyone check your flints.

Everyone began to get up and move. With all the men moving about the boat began to sway, rocking back and forth. I started to worry looking about, Caleb noticing the same began to call to the men. 

“Move back, you’re tipping her,” Caleb stated calmly from his place at the rutter. 

I was looking around watching the swivel guns as the swayed with the boat. There was a sudden large sway to the boat then. A swivel gun began to roll towards the water. 

“Watch those arms. Grab that swivel gun,” I said. I leaned toward it.  
I hear Caleb yell. “Ben, no! Ben!”

I was thinking I went to grab the gun that was falling towards the water. In my haste I fell into the Delaware. At first all I could think about was making sure the gun didn’t fall into the water. I pushed it back further into the boat. I started to feel the cold water soaking through my uniform, into my boots. It was sweeping all the heat from my body. My muscles seized on me, I could move them at all; I tried to kick to stay above the water but I started to sink below the surface. I could hear some of the men called to pull me back up into the boat. I fought against the desire to just let the water take me. Things started to go black, I couldn’t hear the men as well anymore. I could tell I wasn’t in the water but I was wet and cold. Every once and a while I could hear Caleb’s voice. It was full of panic and worry. I wasn’t able to make out the words, except for my name. Not his usual Benji-boy or tall boy; but a worried and desperate Ben. I tried to hold onto Caleb’s voice, to stay there but the darknesses won out. I was sure I was dying.  
Some time must have passed. I could make out more voices, but just like before Caleb’s was the strongest.  
“All right? Hey wake up.” Brewster called to me and then to others he yelled. “How’s that fire coming on?”  
There was a desperation in his tone. I tried to open my eyes but even when I did all I saw was a swarm of colours. They were spinning, making me feel sick so I clamped my eyes shut again.  
“Caleb?” I tried to call back but instead I just coughed hard, my lungs were burning from the effort. My ribs felt bruised. The pain was overwhelming and the darkness started closing in again. But I doubled my focus on Caleb’s voice, and his hands wrapping more blankets around me. 

“Come here you,” Caleb chided me, as he patted my cheek. I forced my eyes open again. “You’re not going on me like this, you dumb bastard. You hear me? You stay awake, all right? Come on! You look at me!”

I tried to do as I was told but my eyes closed of their own will and the darkness come over me again. 

~~~  
More time passed before I came somewhat to again. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed. It was dark now, and there were any men around now. It was just Caleb now. I heard him talking, muttering on about something. The fire was illuminating his face and the rabbit he was skinning. I tried to focus on what he was saying and wished I hadn’t.

“Know why you can’t die? You’re still a virgin.”  
Of course he would go there.  
“See, all you ever done is box the jesuit. I’m surprised you’re not blind.”  
If I had the ability to blush I would be red. I was currently wishing I would pass out again as soon as possible.  
“Now the man upstairs, He don’t take kindly to virgins over the age of 20. Sees it as a waste of His good works.”  
Thankfully I didn’t here the rest of that as the darkness took pity on me and allowed me black out again. 

~~~  
I woke up warm. It was a strange feeling, since all I could remember was the cold water. I tried to move but couldn’t. I started to panic breathing hard, shifting more. 

“Hey hey, Benji-boy calm down I have you,” came a quiet whisper from Caleb. 

I started to realize the reason I couldn’t move. Caleb had me in his arms, which also explained why I felt warm all of the sudden. My breathing slowed down again, I settled into his arms. 

“Caleb,” I muttered under my breath.  
“I got you Ben,” Caleb whispered pulling me tighter into his chest. 

I turned slightly and this time Caleb let me. I buried my head closer into his chest, which got a chuckle from Caleb that reverberating through his chest making my head gently go up and down. Caleb ran a hand through my hair and gave me a light kiss on my forehead. 

“Come on Ben,” Caleb began to talk to himself. “Pull through, you’re a tough guy. Don’t die on me. I can’t lose another one of my friends to this war.” 

Caleb’s voice was shaky and trailed off cracking at the end. His chest suddenly started to hitch slightly. I realized that Caleb was crying, crying because he thought he was going to lose me. The memory of everyone else he has lost. I wanted to comfort him but I was barely able to hold on to my own thoughts and stay awake. I buried my head into his chest some more. That brought his attention back to me. 

“Hey there Tall-boy, I am not going anywhere. You can burrow any deeper into my chest.” Caleb responded.  
“Caleb,” I tried to speak, but my voice was raw leading me to start coughing. 

Caleb sat up straighter surprised at hearing my voice and worried at the sudden cough fit. 

“Hey, Ben don’t push yourself.” My coughing slowly started to cease but there were tears in my eyes from the effort. I was so exhausted by the end of it, I knew I wasn’t going to be conscious for much longer. Caleb started to rub circles on my back to help keep the coughs at bay.

“Caleb,” I said quieter this time, with only a tiny cough coming to the surface. “I love you.”

Caleb’s hand stops mid circle and his breath catches for a moment, but then he softens and going back to rubbing my back. 

“I love you too Ben,” he whispers in return. 

I burrow back into his chest, proving him wrong that I could in fact burrow deeper. I felt warm and safe as I drifted off again.  
~~~  
I woke again in a coughing fit. My lungs were still raw and my ribs were hurting from the force of the coughs. I was warm this time, which was a good sign. I looked around trying to figure out where I was. I looked around trying to find Caleb but I could see him. I tried to sit up but yet another coughing fit took over me, I doubled over from the effort.

“Hey, happy new year Tall-boy,” came the happy tones of Brewster from behind me. “How do you feel?”

I groaned looking around. I was still really disorientated, I hear what Caleb said but it wasn’t really sinking in. I remembered flashes from when I was out but I wasn’t sure if any of it was real or if it was all a dream. 

“Where -where are the men?” I asked my voice was rough and harsh. It was a bit painful to speak, and I feared that another coughing fit was about to take me over again.  
“Right now? Gone.” Caleb responded.  
“Gone?”  
“Yeah. You’ve been out for a few days, my friend.” Caleb said leaning down and patting me on the shoulder and offering me something to drink.  
“What?” I asked, disoriented.  
“The year’s over. Bounties are up.” 

I took the drink. Trying to understand everything Caleb was saying. 

“I doubt to many are keen to re-enlist.”  
“Where were they headed?”

Caleb looked worried as he answered the questions, crouching next to me. Instead of telling me to rest he simply answered my questions. I thanked him for that respect. 

“Uh, Trenton.”  
“Trenton?” 

I remember the letter we sent to Washington with the information that Abe had given us. Did Washington actually get it? Is that why we were heading there?

“We have to go there now,” I said trying to get up.  
“Not so fast Benji,” Caleb replied putting a hand on my shoulder keeping me in place. “You just woke up after nearly dying from falling in the river. You are not going to just walk over to Trenton just yet.”  
“Washington may need us. He may have gotten the letter -”  
“And he can wait a bit longer. I am going to have you dying on the way,” Caleb responded sternly. “We will wait until nightfall to head over. It will give us cover incase we are walking straight into redcoats. For now we are going to get some food into you and then we will head for Washington.”

I grumbled, I felt like I was being treated like a child. Even so as I tried to get out I realized that Caleb was right to keep me here for a bit longer. My arm began to shake as I tried to put my weight on it, that small movement made me light headed. Brewster saw this and was by my side, helping me without bringing to attention how much I needed the help.  
“You hungry?” Caleb asked once he had helped me up. 

I nodded my response, slightly winded from the effort. Caleb went over to the fire which had a pot sitting on the flames. He ladelled some kind of stew into a bowl, a flash of Caleb skinning a rabbit came to mind, as did his conversation to himself. Despite my best effort I started to turn red. 

“You are only supposed to get your colour back after you eat something not before,” Caleb mentioned handing me the makeshift bowl.  
“Ah well,” I tried to respond, while looking at rabbit stew in front of me. “I may remember you skinning this particular rabbit.”  
“Oh,” now it was Caleb’s turn to turn red but instead he paled slightly. “I didn’t really mean what I said. I just was worried.”  
“It is okay,” I replied in between bites. “Although it was the only time I have ever willed myself to pass out.”

Caleb laughed heartily, which lightened the mood a lot. I finished the stew, feeling a lot better than before. Caleb sat down next to me, with his own bowl of stew. 

“We have about 5 more hours of light before we can start heading out,” Caleb said more to himself than me.  
“Caleb?” I quietly started to ask a question I had been thinking on before I fell into the Delaware. “Where were you this past week?”  
“What before you decided the middle of winter was a great time for a swim,” Caleb responded cheerfully.  
“Yes before then, around Christmas,” I replied giving him a glare.  
“Scott sent me up the river to check for British forces along the banks of the Delaware,” Caleb responded. “We ended up finding a few. Without many men with me we had to double back, take the long way around. I didn’t get back to camp till a few hours before we moved out.”  
“I see,” even to myself I sounded disappointed. It made sense why he wasn’t there for Christmas now but I was still a bit upset. That he let me be alone in the camp on Christmas, it wasn’t like he really had much of a choice.  
“Tallboy?” Caleb asked cautiously clearly worried. “Everything alright? Benji? Are you upset about something?”  
“No,” I stated but even to me it sound more like a yes then a no.  
“Ben I have known you for too long, I know when you are lying and when something is bothering you. Something is bothering you.”

I looked away from Caleb for a moment deciding what I should say. Should I tell him that I missed home? I knew he felt like he could never go back to Setauket, it wasn’t really fair of me to say I was home sick; yet I knew only the truth would satisfy Caleb. 

“I just,” I started trying to piece together the words that I needed. “This Christmas, I just really missed home. My father, the town, being around the people I grew up with.” 

Caleb got up. I thought that he was mad at me, that he was walking away to hid his anger. Caleb walked over to his bad and began to rummage for something. His movements weren’t rough with anger but gentle. He was looking for something with care. I watched him with curiosity in silence. Caleb pulled out a small leather bag and brought it back over. He sat close to me, handing the bag over. I hesitated for a moment before I took the package. The bag was heavier than I thought, there was something very solid in it but also something flexible. I looked over at Caleb quizzically. 

“I know what you mean,” Caleb said quietly. “I tried to keep busy on the scout but my mind kept reminding me of Christmases of years ago with my uncle. I even remembered some of your father’s sermons.” 

Caleb gave a dry laugh when mentioning my father’s sermons, trying to hide the hurt and longing that had entered his voices. In the past Caleb had talked about how boring he had found the sermons, but he always seemed to have been paying attention. I smiled knowingly as Caleb continued to speak. 

“But instead of being home I was out in the middle of nowhere freezing my ass off with people I didn’t know. I wasn’t with my friends, what little family I had left. When I finally got to see you a few days later things seemed to brighten up, I felt a piece of home that I had been missing. Then you had to go and be a fucking hero and save that swivel gun -” Caleb’s voice cracked, he couldn’t hide it this time the pain and hurt he was feeling. “I - I was scared Ben. I thought you were going to die. You were so cold, cold as a corpse. You just kept shivering and coughing; there were so many times when you went still that I thought you had died, I started to yell at you. I have seen too many of my friends die, I couldn’t bare to losing you too.”

Caleb had tears on his cheeks, from soundless crying. He had always tried to keep it together in front of others. He had become a master at it. Sometimes he would act brash, act as if he didn’t care too much but I knew that was just that, an act. Even when we were kids, he would be all tough when one of us would get hurt, but he never abandoned Samuel, Abe or I. If we got hurt he was the first to check us over and bring us home; he would always take the blame for anything stupid the four of us would get into to. Most of the time it wasn’t even his idea.  
Seeing Caleb this upset hid me hard. His brash exterior often made me forget how much he cared for his friends, how we were basically all the family he had left except for his elderly uncle in Setauket. I cautiously lifted my hand to his face; Caleb didn’t flinch away. I wiped the tears away from his cheeks and eyes with his fingers.

“I’m sorry Caleb,” I whispered to him, my hand resting on his cheek. “I have been so focused on this war, I have been forgetting about why we are fighting. Freedom for our loved ones, that includes you. I shouldn’t have jumped into the river like an idiot in the middle of winter.”

Caleb smiled into my hand, but my words had the opposite effect than what I wanted. Fresh tears began to fall from Caleb’s eyes. 

“You are a good hearted idiot who is trying to kill me by not thinking of your own safety,” Caleb laughed as he continued to tear up. “Could you give me a week free from idiotic heroics?”

I laughed with Caleb, his requests were sincere but also impossible. But I could understand where he was coming from. To my surprise I left tears coming from my own eyes, my vision blurred slightly from them.

“I will try my best but I can make no promises on that,” I responded once I got my laughter under control.  
“That is all I can ask for with you,” Caleb replied. “Now can you open your Christmas present?”

Surprised I looked down at the bag, understanding hitting me as to why he gave me it. The memory of me putting his axe in my pack came to my mind, as my hand dropped from his face.

“Do you have my pack with my supplies?” I asked.  
“Your pack?” Caleb asked taken aback. “Yes, why?”  
“Don’t ask questions. Can you grab it and bring it over to me?”  
“Sure Captain, got any other orders well you are at it?” Caleb’s sassy tones coming back in full force.  
“Yes, shut up and go get it,” I shot back with even more sass.

Caleb sighed as he got up awkwardly and headed over to the other side of the fire where he had left his on bag. Underneath was mine which he picked up and slowly brought back over, dropping it down on my lap. As I grabbed to and began to search through it Caleb took his seat next to me once again, sitting closer than he was before hand. 

“Tall boy, what are looking for?”  
“You’ll see,” I replied as my hand found the cool wooden handle of the Caleb’s new axe. “Caleb close your eyes and hold out your hand.”  
“Why?” Caleb asked cautiously.  
“Cause I want to give you your Christmas present and I was not as forward thinking as you to put it in a separate bag. So I order you to close your eyes and hold out your hands.”

Exasperatedly Caleb did as he was told. I gently pulled out the axe, pushed the bag over to the side, then placed the gift in Caleb’s outstretched hands.

“You can open your eyes now,” I said quietly. “I noticed your axe’s handle had started to crack. I know how much you use it and thought you would like a replacement. It is perfectly weighted balanced. I hope you like it.”

Caleb opened his eyes and looked it over. He switched it from hand to hand, testing out how the tool felt in his hands. 

“Ben, this is great. I love it,” Caleb responded looking at me, his face was full of awe at the axe so I knew he was truthful in what he said. “Now open yours.”

I looked down at the bag that sat in my lap. Carefully I opened the drawstring at the top. Looking inside I found a leather bound book inside it. I grabbed it out; it was solid and thick, with many pages. There was an inscription on the front of the leather that read ‘Benjamin Tallmadge’. I rubbed my hand over it, feeling the leather under my hand. It was high quality and soft to the touch, the pages were thick as well. I looked inside the bag and found what I had felt that was flexible, a brand new quill. It, like the notebook, was also high quality. I had a fine point and a grip. I felt Caleb’s gaze on me as I look over everything. It was so much, I couldn’t believe that Caleb had been able to find all this for me. 

“Caleb, how? This is too much, I love it. I love these,” I muttered out as I looked over at him. 

Caleb was smiling sheepishly, blushing slightly with my comments. I brought my hand back to his cheek where I had wiped his tears away. Caleb stiffened this time around, but only for a minute before he relaxed. 

“I am glad you like them. I figured it would be something you could get a lot of use out of. Just like I will get a lot of use out of this axe,” Caleb commented as he lifted his hands up to my face. 

He placed a hand on each side of my face. The palms and fingers of his hands were calloused from years of hardwork, but they were gentle on my face, tickling a bit as he gently moved his thumb across my cheek. I smiled into his hands, then was surprised by Caleb pulling me close as he placed his lips on mine. Taken aback I stiffened at the contact, which made Caleb pull back almost immediately. 

“I’m sorr-” I cut off his apology off by returning the kiss, pulling him closer to me. 

I closed my eyes as we kissed. It was a calm kiss, not quite what I was expecting as my first kiss. I was cautious about my hand movements, just as much as Caleb was. I knew Caleb was new to this but he knew that I was. He must have been taking it slow, on my account.  
When we broke off, I was surprised by how out of breathe I was. It was as if I had been running for my life - which I had some experience in doing just that. 

“Apparently I need to fall into the freezing waters more often,” I joked which was not received very well.  
“Don’t you even joke about that,” Caleb gave a death glare that scared me straight, as he pulled me even closer so that my head was resting on his chest. His arms wrapped around me keeping me in place, as if I was going to slip away from.

It made me realize just how much I must have scared him with whole ordeal. He had kept close the entire time, sent the other men away but stayed with me. I had no doubt that the other men thought I was done for, that there was no way that I would have pulled though taking a plunge into the freezing waters of the Delaware at this time of year. Yet Caleb didn’t give up, he kept close to me; he kept me alive. I buried myself closer, enjoying the warmth that emanated from him. 

“Thank you Caleb,” I said looking up at him  
“For what now?” He asked cautiously, not looking down at me.  
“For not giving up on me. For staying with me and making sure I pulled through,” I replied, as I untangled myself from his gripped to give him a light kiss on the cheek. 

I admired the shade of red that made his face turn, before I settled back into his hold. I placed my head back onto his chest as Caleb leaned back onto the tree trunk behind him, getting comfortable. I started feel extremely tired again; I was well aware that I was not at my full strength just yet. I tried to stifle a yawn that was escaping me but failed. Caleb took notice of it. 

“We can’t move out till it's dark out, which is still several hours from now. Go to sleep, I will wake you when it is closer to dusk.”  
“Mmhmm,” I muttered into Caleb’s chest. 

Caleb gave me a light kiss on the top of my head. Sleep came over me quickly as I was comfortable in Caleb’s embrace.


End file.
